Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
