they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
