my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
being pregnant is like rehab
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
