I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize