SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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