a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
