I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
