i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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