Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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