i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
