ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
