obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
