My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
