we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
