Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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