Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
