the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
