he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
