Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
