Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
