The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
