His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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