Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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