I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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