someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
