eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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