Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
