ugly people sure do ruin things
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i drank out of a bidet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
