Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
