No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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