I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
