Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
