i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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