Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
