It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize