there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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