dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
