I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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