I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
