He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dignity is for republicans.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
