I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
