Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
