i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
