shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize