Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
