i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
high people should be assigned attendants
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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