woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
