I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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