Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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