Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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