and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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