I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
