I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
