I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
