im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
nutella sex= disaster
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
