I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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