He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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