I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
