You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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