I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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