besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
