Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
