i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize