I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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