last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
