found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Randomize
