You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
