I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
