Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
