why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
