he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
