Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
