I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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