so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
