I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
