she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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