i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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