I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
