I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
