i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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